


the head & the heart

by itainthardtryin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Prompt Fill, slightly angsty slightly fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3957001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itainthardtryin/pseuds/itainthardtryin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompted on Tumblr: After Costia's death  a powerful clan leader promised Lexa his most precious and beautiful daughter. Because at the time Lexa was working to create a strong coalition she didn't refuse the offering, she also completely forgot about it. But now the Mountain has fallen, it's time for peace and this beautiful (and trained for this all her life) girl shows up to fulfill her destiny while Lexa is trying to mend things with Clarke.</p>
<p>Alternatively, just as Lexa and Clarke have repaired their relationship, Maddox shows up offering his daughter's hand in marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the head & the heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was intentionally meant to be angsty, but I'm pretty sure it turned out like 90% fluff and 10% angst.

It takes Lexa three days to track down Clarke, and another week after that to finally convince her to come to Polis. When they return to the capital Lexa makes sure Clarke is cared for in the same way a Commander would be. Because really, Clarke is a Commander. Just not of the Grounders.

Lexa watches as Clarke’s icy exterior melts slightly, and she wonders if this is what it was like for Clarke waiting to gain her trust. It’s beautiful, Lexa thinks, to watch Clarke open up to her a little more each day. She knows she doesn’t deserve this kindness, she doesn’t deserve Clarke’s trust again so readily, but Clarke is much stronger than Lexa in that she lets her heart guide her. Lexa is quickly learning that love is the farthest thing from weakness that there is.

“I forgive you.” It’s thirteen days after Mount Weather and Lexa wonders if she imagines the words. “I know why you did it, Lexa. I know it can’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t,” Lexa says, but it sounds more like ‘I love you’.

“Could you do it again?” Clarke asks.

Lexa wants to say that once was bad enough. “No,” she admits. “You are my people now. It would be wrong to turn my back on you again.”

Clarke looks at her and for the first time since the mountain, Lexa sees only love there. “Good to know,” Clarke says a little more maliciously than she intends it to be. “That we’re on the same page now,” she adds.

“Will we begin a new chapter?” Lexa asks. Clarke nods in agreement.

//

Twenty days after Mount Weather, Clarke kisses Lexa again. Lexa wonders if, in the back of her mind, she’ll always think of their relationship like this: before the mountain, and after. It feels too huge to simply forget. She knows how broken she left Clarke. Being a Commander comes at extremely high price, and Lexa breaks her own heart every time she thinks of the decision she made. It was necessary, yes, but that doesn’t mean that it was painless.

Clarke kisses her so tenderly that Lexa’s heart aches for her. She wants to be closer to her, she misses her, she needs her. Lexa doesn’t understand how she can be feeling all of these things when Clarke’s lips are on hers, and when her hand is on her cheek, thumb softly brushing over her skin.

“I’ve thought about this a lot,” Clarke admits, barely even pulling away enough to give herself space to say the words. She kisses Lexa again and Lexa lets her. “I didn’t know if I’d get to taste your lips again.”

Lexa feels the words more than she hears them. “Since you pulled away in the tent,” she says, “I thought the same.”

Clarke smiles.

//

“I want to let the people know we’re together,” Lexa tells her three weeks later.

“I think some of them already know,” Clarke laughs, thinking of how they got caught by Raven a few days before in quite a compromising position. She’s sure that by this point most of her close friends are bound to know.

“True,” Lexa agrees. “But I would like to tell everyone.” She looks at Clarke, letting her know how serious she is. A Commander declaring her love publicly like this would be a huge step. Lexa would be leaving herself, and Clarke, exposed. They could be captured, used as weapons against each other. It happened with Costia, it could easily happen again. “Only with your consent, of course,” Lexa adds, knowing how much danger would come with the decision.

Lexa loves her position as Commander, but she wishes that just once she could make a decision without having to weigh up the reaction of her people.

She wants to make a decision just because it feels right.

She wants to tell people she loves Clarke, just because she does.

“I’d like that,” Clarke says softly.

//

Lexa decides that she’ll make the announcement at the leader’s feast the following evening. She thinks almost constantly about what words she’ll use to describe her relationship with Clarke. There are so many to choose from.

“We have a visitor, Heda,” Indra tells her, entering her tent.

“Who?”

“Maddox of the desert clan.” Indra pauses, wondering how to word the rest. “And his daughter, Kadar. They are here to fulfil the agreement.”

Lexa’s eyes widen as she remembers painfully. Costia had just passed, and Lexa was desperate for an alliance between the clans to prevent history repeating itself. She travelled to visit every clan in person, something no Commander before her had done. Truthfully, Lexa just needed to separate herself from any surroundings that she shared with Costia. Maddox had promised Lexa his daughter, almost as a replacement for Costia. At the time, Lexa didn’t have the emotional capacity to explain that no-one could ever replace Costia, that the hollow feeling she has permanently had in her chest will not be taken away by being offered another girl’s hand in marriage.

Despite this, she’d agreed. She agreed to take Maddox’s daughter in marriage, and in return he would ensure there would be no retaliation from his clan. He had upheld his end of the deal, and now that she had come of age, Kadar was here to fulfil hers.

But three years have passed since the deal was agreed.

And so much has happened.

_Clarke_ has happened.

And Lexa doesn’t know how to explain that to Maddox.

//

She meets Kadar, and instantly sees her beauty. In another world, in another lifetime, Kadar would have been perfect for Lexa. Her body is toned from what Lexa can see through her armor. Her face has hardened - Kadar is a warrior made to battle beside a Commander - but Lexa can see the softness underneath. It makes her think of Clarke.

“Maddox,” she greets. “You have joined us on the day of a feast.”

“I feel like we both need it after our trek.”

Lexa’s stomach drops thinking of how far they’ve come, physically and emotionally. “This is Kadar?” she asks, trying to play down how much she knows.

“Yes, Commander. We wish to fulfil the agreement.”

“Rest first. Eat with us. We will discuss the agreement tomorrow.” Her guests seem satisfied with her offer, but Lexa is only buying herself time.

 

//

“Clarke, I have an issue,” Lexa says, her voice small. She’s never been one to ask for help or to admit her weaknesses, but there is no way she can address this without asking Clarke for advice.

Clarke notices how Lexa’s demeanor has changed. How she’s disappearing into herself again. “Let me help.”

“I made an agreement with a clan leader just after Costia passed,” Lexa explained. “I agreed to take his eldest daughter as my partner when she came of age.”

“Like a second?” Clarke asks, and Lexa wishes she could take Kadar as her second.

“Like a wife,” Lexa clarifies, and Clarke’s face falls. “Maddox is here to ensure the deal is kept.”

“You knew about this the whole time?” Clarke asks, her voice cracking. Lexa can’t tell if it’s due to anger or sadness or something completely different.

“I wasn’t mentally or emotionally present when I made the deal. My heart was with Costia. My head told me what to do.”

Clarke studies her. Lexa feels like Clarke is looking into her soul. She takes two steps forward and closes the space between them. Her hand finds Lexa’s cheek again, and Lexa’s skin feels electric at the touch. “We’ll figure it out.”

For the first time in her life, Lexa feels like she’s only carrying half the weight of the decision.

//

Clarke sits beside her at the feast. Maddox notices their chemistry, and Lexa can sense his uncomfort. He knows better than to raise the issue tonight. Lexa is thankful that he has enough respect for her to keep the matter private.

 

//

The following morning she requests to speak to Maddox and Kadar privately. Clarke is with her.

“Commander, forgive me for being so blunt with my words, but is Clarke someone special to you?”

“Yes,” Lexa replies without hesitation. Clarke finds herself smiling at the admission. “I’m afraid I will not be able to uphold my end of the agreement, Maddox.”

Kadar looks at her father worriedly. “What does she mean?”

“Explain,” Maddox says with venom. Lexa feels no fear.

“When our agreement was made I was in a state of grief. I had lost a lover, and I didn’t think I would recover. I was desperate for an alliance so the same would not happen again. Or to anyone else from our clans.”

Clarke doesn’t know if she is overstepping her mark, but she subtly moves her hand to Lexa’s. She lets Lexa decide whether to hold it, and after a few seconds of deliberation, Lexa takes it. Clarke’s heart aches to watch Lexa find comfort in their grip.

“We recently defeated the Mountain Men, you may have heard. Forgive me if the agreement slipped my mind,” Lexa says almost sarcastically. “And forgive my heart for falling in love.”

Lexa stands strong with Clarke by her side and waits for Maddox to respond. “You made a deal, Commander.”

“If it is security or wealth you seek, I can uphold that deal. I can give you a home here, I can fight alongside Kadar. I can make it so you never go hungry again. I will uphold every part of what our deal would mean, but I cannot deny my heart what it wants.”

The words lie heavy in the air. Lexa feels them. Clarke feels them. They can even see that Maddox and Kadar understand what they mean. “Very well,” he says. “We can amend our terms.”

 

//

It takes two hours to draw up a new deal. Maddox seems happy with the outcome, and Kadar is excited to train beside the Commander. They leave content.

Lexa is clearing the table of chalices and plates when Clarke speaks. “Lexa.” That’s all she says, but it’s enough for Lexa to know how she feels. The wonder, the awe, the sheer disbelief is evident in her voice. Lexa turns to face her. “You let your heart decide.”

Lexa smiles. Too much of her life has been ruled by her head. The freedom she feels following her heart is what she imagines it must be like for a bird in flight. “With your help.”

Clarke furrows her brow. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You were there,” Lexa says simply. “You were by my side.”

“I love you,” Clarke tells her. In those three words Lexa knows that it was worth it. She decides there and then to allow her heart to have a say in decisions in the future, within reason. Though, when it comes to Clarke, Lexa is sure that it will always be within reason to go with her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think at scottcanyounot.tumblr.com :)


End file.
